Sunday, October 17, 2010

What love looks like

Those of you who read my last post may be wondering how things are moving along. Well . . . so am I frankly. I haven't made any hard and fast decisions about anything but, WOW, was I surprised by kindness this week. In the picture on the left are two real world angels, Arlina and Brianna. They not caught wind of my sorrow, but decided to take action.

I was called out of a meeting Saturday, told that there were two young ladies who wanted to see me. I honestly had no idea who they might be but as I walked down the stairs I saw them . . . huge smiles on their faces . . . bearing the most wonderful basket of gifts.

I couldn't believe my eyes as they presented the gift to me, homemade bread, cookies, hot cider and a lovely long-eared rabbit. They had created this masterpiece with their own hands, carefully debating on what it should contain and put it together with pure love.

Turns out that they had collaborated with my lovely bride who told them of my peanut allergy - they didn't want to kill me - :) They also found out what my hours at work were so they could deliver it in person.

They told me that the basket was quite a miracle, they said that their baking normally wasn't what you would call "successful", it had much room for improvement. But these baked goods came out perfectly. They also said that the perfection could in part be credited to Brianna's mom who prayed over the bread before it went into the oven. I have to say, it's mighty good.

They also said the most wonderful and moving things about me, how they appreciated me and our friendship. They made me feel 10 feet tall. I am forever grateful for these two angels in my life. I am humbled that they are so kind to one such as me.

For whatever reason, I have made an impact on these two lives who have in turn showered joy on me a hundred fold. I am so incredibly fortunate to have friends of such character.

Thank you Arlina and Brianna. You have given me the gift of hope, I shall never be able to repay your kindness.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Loss . . .

So, I'm not very good at processing loss. Especially when it comes to people in my life. I'm not talking solely about death, I'm also including friends moving away or leaving. I realize that it's a natural part of the river we call life. Rule 1: Things change. I certainly don't have to like it.

I am fortunate to have many hobbies I enjoy: music, bike riding, swimming, water polo, birdwatching and - if I may - Facebook. Each pursuit has with it its own cast of characters, each person bringing to the table a unique and special quality. A necessary strand in a larger rope, a connecting link in a chain so to speak. When someone moves along, the chain is broken. A part is missing, it will never be the same again.

After someone is gone for whatever reason and the activity continues it's hard for me not to see an empty chair in the room. A chair that cannot and will not be filled. The magic is gone. It leaves me feeling deep sorrow. It matters little whether or not the change was a healthy one, my grief remains strong. I wait and watch the door, hoping that the missing person will walk through and all will be right, but it will never happen.

I heal very slowly from such things. Processing them minute by minute. I hate it, I wish I wasn't as deeply affected as I am. But I suppose that is who I am now. Someone easily injured. Perhaps it comes with the territory of being involved with people, building bonds and learning to love. Perhaps life would be simpler and less painful if I were to stop building friendships. I wonder though how fulfilling a life without love and friendship would be.

Maybe the pain is worth the effort.